An established bond between children and people they esteem creates a foundation to build on. You may have noticed that I enjoy building with Lego bricks. People have asked many times how I created such things. Anything impressive that I have put together has required corrections. You build, you see a better way to do things, you take it apart and repeat. The best builds have required months of that.
Becoming a healthy adult is much the same way. We try, we fail, we correct, and repeat. This is a healthy cycle; it means we’re learning. At 82, my father continues to say that he is still learning how to be a better person. It is what I want to emulate most about him.
That is correction. It is a very human experience. None of us is perfect and we all need correction. When we are young, we do not have the experience and knowledge needed to make the corrections on our own. We’re just too young. Thank God when there is a bond in place with someone who knows what to do.
That is our role as parents; to help our children learn how to navigate the process of try, fail, and correct. I’ve never heard anyone say they like the process. The result, sure, but not the process. It takes discipline, a willingness to work towards a goal even when it’s hard. When we’re young, we need parents to help us push through. In other words, we need discipline. As adults, we only have ourselves. Therefore, our goal in raising kids should not be to develop a disciplined person but a self-disciplined adult.
When we’re working with our kids, we need to keep that goal in mind. It keeps us focused on coming alongside our child to help them see what they need to do to correct instead of telling them and expecting change. Being corrected can be a sensitive matter for a lot of kids and it takes effort beforehand to show that chld you have their best interest at heart.
In college, I was blessed to work five summers at Kanakuk Kamps. What a huge influence they had on my style of working with kids. There, I learned to give kids 5 affirming statements for every corrective statement I made to them. I also learned how to use the discipline process as a point of connection. If we gave a child a discipline for misbehavior, we had to do the work with them. It’s not the only way to demonstrate care, but it’s effective. More than once I heard a child complain that I just wanted them to work and I was always able to reply, “If that were true, I wouldn’t be doing the work with you.”
Correction really can be a point of bonding. If done right, it demonstrates acceptance always, perfection is not necessary, and refocuses from the transgression to what can be done about it. Always center your heart on your care for your child when leading them to self-discipline, it’s a special experience.