As a disclaimer, the PRIDE skills are not my own idea but that of Sheila Eyberg, Ph.D. and Beverly Funderburk, Ph.D. More information can be found at www.pcit.org (https://www.pcit.org/resourceshandouts.html)
This section of PRIDE skills is directed towards 2-6 year olds but provides an important underlying foundation to the sections that describe how to use PRIDE skills with older children.
It’s a weird experience to play the way a toddler does but that is what we are shooting for here. To engage with toys just like your child validates the choices that they make. If mom or dad is doing it with me, then it has to be worth doing. Preschoolers are desperate to get others to play with them. To be more specific, they want other people to play the game they want to play.
If you ever have the opportunity to watch kids this age play together, just count the number of times one child approaches another to try to get them to play their game. Not one of them will walk up and say, “What would you like to play today?” There might be a temptation to force your child to do something else so they can get used to taking turns, and certainly there is a time for that. However, more than that, they need someone to play their game. This provides an outlet for their emotions and when they don’t feel as strongly, the drive to do what they want to do isn’t as strong and they’re more likely to share.
About 80% of your playtime needs to focus on what your child wants to do, leaving a fifth of the time for parent to choose what to do. It’s not necessary to do the exact same thing as your child, just something close to it. If your daughter is building a house with blocks, then play with some blocks and temper the urge to create the next architectural masterpiece. If she’s coloring outside the lines, color outside the lines and let your inner Banksy sleep a while longer. Simply put, do a more basic version of what they are doing.
Imitation builds value in the child for the parent’s attention. One of the hidden gems of parenting lies here. If your kid does something you want to correct, you don’t have to tell them to stop in order to get them to do what you want them to. First, try describing what you are doing while you play. When you’ve been describing them, and then you stop and describe yourself instead, they get jealous.
When you describe your own behavior, kids take notice. I’ve had parents do this countless times and it takes less than five seconds for the kid to stop, go back to the parent and start playing with them again. It’s really effective to get kids to sit at a table or sustain attention. The more they do it, the more of a habit it becomes. It’s an effective way to teach children to sit still and that can be life changing.
Take a second to imagine what life would be like for you if the amount of time you spent correcting greatly diminished. Stress level down. More time to consider the rest of life. Now think about the effect it has on a child. Less time being corrected and more time feeling like your best is enough.