We talk a lot about family culture. The nature of how your family interacts with each other can bring encouragement or frustration. It is an underlying factor of the health of any group of people living together. So what is family culture?
Family culture is the beliefs and rhythms of people related to each other and/or living together. These movements affect everyone involved. The members can be pulled up or down, encouraged or disheartened, empowered, or left insecure. Setting the example and expectations of positive interactions is so powerful it can affect our genes. That’s right! Our very genes!!!
The culture of the family is set by the leadership of the adults.
This part is easy to not catch and get sucked into the ebbs and flows of your toddler’s mood. We’ve been there. We’ve had Precious Moments tennis shoes thrown at our head while driving… and not responded well in that moment! And we have grown to understand something bigger and better than those emotion-filled, intense moments.
The truth of the matter is that, In general, calm caregivers set the example for having a calm household. Patient parents lead to patient children. Listening to little ones leads to little ones listening to you.
The opposite is true as well and this brings up an important point. Not one of us is perfect. We will set poor examples for our kids at times but that isn’t going to ruin them. (Although it might make for a very awkward moment when they decide to tell the story of your not-so-awesome moment to a group of judgmental 20-somethings who haven’t yet parented.)
When we strive to be the people we want our children to be, they will see that blueprint for life and know it. It is our presence with our children and the effort you give that counts. Remember, all parents know that their own parents were not perfect and many of us still love them. My experience tells me that is because we saw them try.
All of us need to understand that, even though we set the example, our children do not have to follow. There are numerous reasons for this and it happens more than many of us realize. I encourage all to be sober in your judgment of families when you see children acting out. If you are looking for a magic wand or secret recipe… there isn’t one. However, there are some valuable standards that can help you move closer to the peace and intentionality you crave.
The essential question I hear when helping families wanting to create a positive family culture is, “How do I do it?” There are strategies that you can put into place in your own home to help you establish an atmosphere of cooperation, instruction, and peace. We will be breaking these elements down to help you envision next steps for your own family. The next post will be about the value of cooperation.