When our daughters became teenagers, connecting with them looked very different. Life was busy, their interests were varied (sometimes depending on the day), we were not in their world like we had been when they were little because spreading your wings (individuation) is a healthy part of development. They would talk about things that had captured their attention and go on and on about them and I was often scratching my head wondering what exactly I was missing because I did NOT get it!
It would have been easy for us to just continue living in clueless separation and just draw the line of not being interested in the same things. However, we also saw an opportunity for connection with those things. What if we dove in and learned about them so we could enjoy it WITH them and engage in the conversations that we previously weren’t versed enough to keep up with?
I will NEVER forget when my middle daughter was watching the TV Series The Mandalorian and the character, Ahsoka, came into the picture. She fell on the floor screaming and then ran around the house in excitement. She was 16. I had never even heard Ahsoka’s name before! Her response made me question her sanity in part… but suffering from FOMO the way I do, I also thought I must be missing out on something MAJOR.
Shortly after that, I decided to commit to watch ALL Star Wars content in chronological order with her so I could understand it more fully. It was an intentional effort to enter her world and experience the thing that had made her act like a crazy person. AND IT WAS A HUGE TIME COMMITMENT. I think around 168 hours…. it took us nearly all year…. and IT WAS WORTH EVERY SECOND!!!
Our daughter was actually extremely busy during that season and didn’t have time to watch all of it with me, but she LOVED that I was watching and we could talk about it as I watched. There were some episodes I wasn’t allowed to watch without her and that forced us to schedule time together so I could keep moving forward.
New content was being released as we went as well and so that was always fun to plan to watch together. I had never been super knowledgable about Star Wars, and I wouldn’t say I retained a lot of it, but I am now a fan and love that I understand her and her fandom better. She is now at college and Chris and I are watching Bad Batch and then texting her about it. It is the only text we send that we are certain she will respond to. Ha!
Some other examples of things we learned about for the sake of connection (and ended up enjoying when we didn’t think we would) include but are not limited to: Hamilton (the musical), Taylor Swift, ACDC Back in Black with the windows down, Avatar the Last Airbender, countless books and book series, Percy Jackson, so many current Broadway Musicals, at least 1 million memes that I am still trying to understand.
All of this to encourage you to take the plunge. Take the time and engage in what they enjoy. You won’t regret the new connections you have with your older kids as they walk through the intensity of young adulthood.
Oh, and may the force be with you!