I spent this morning in the nursery at my church. It’s one of my favorite things. My “grandpa fix” is fulfilled for a month and my daughters breathe a sigh of relief. I’m sure it’s quite a sight, a 6’6”, 300 lb. man sitting on the floor with a 6 month old. The contrast is stark and surprising to anyone who doesn’t know me.
For those who do, it’s no surprise at all. My roommate in college called me the B.F.G. (Big Friendly Giant, if you aren’t familiar with the Roald Dahl book). Some guys are consumed by cars or sports but for me, it’s watching children develop. First steps, new words, overcoming shyness, trying new things, learning to persevere. All these things have such profound impact on the trajectory of a child’s life. It leaves me awestruck.
I’ve talked to few parents that don’t have an appreciation of such things. It’s such a natural thing to enjoy. It is enjoyment that does more to build children up and encourage them than anything else. Adults are authorities on all manner of things before a kid hits age 10. Magical even for preschoolers. For a person with that kind of ability to stop and give their attention confirms in that child that they are doing something right.
You see, development does not progress outside of relationship. Children may know how to do something but until they believe they can, they won’t. They won’t believe that they can until someone who they believe is able, acts and talks like they can. Most of the protest of young children to do big chores centers on their belief that it’s too much or will take them foreverrrrrrrrr!
Children are only able to grab onto lessons that are “next steps” in their development. This is why we don’t expect infants to start walking before they sit up and why we don’t expect teens to pay bills before they learn to how to drive. When kids witness adults do things that are past their next steps, they chalk it up to magic, i.e. “My mother had eyes in the back of her head.”, or worse, they think there’s no way they could do it.
These reactions aren’t the end of the world, though, IF you also take the time to talk about and model their next steps. This is what we mean when we talk about limiting yourself. Take the time to hold the hands of the baby learning to take their first steps. Sit in the passenger seat, and breathe deeply, while your teen is behind the wheel.
It can be hard to know what your child’s next steps are and it gets more difficult as they age. There is no substitute for time spent with your child so you can see and understand where your child is. From there, it’s okay if you don’t know the next best step. For any child, at any time, there are so many things that they can work on. Give it enough time and you’ll get to everything they need to know. There is no substitute for time.
As I read the Bible, these things stand out to me. Jesus was infinite, able to do whatever he wanted. He chose to come to earth in a very limited form to be with people and spend time with very limited people. In doing so, he chose to be bored. Those lessons he repeated weren’t new to him. He also chose to be frustrated (“How many times do I have to tell them…”). He treated the space between him and those he was with as a precious thing.
What value did Jesus put on those people that he would give up all that he had to spend it with them? I think he knew the worth of what he was doing in a way that we struggle to. If only we could see the end as he does, the storms wouldn’t seem so tempestuous. The heartache we feel when our kids are screaming, or struggling, or fail could be held with hope that they are learning, developing into the people they were created to be.